A Conversation at Carino’s

A few weeks ago, I was at a local bar (or Italian restaurant, whichever you wanna call it) in Palmdale called Johnny Carino’s. It was a Friday night, which means a bunch of locals come out, young and old. Friendly atmosphere, (relatively) cheap beer, and decent service keeps me coming.

It was a lot crowded than usual, so it was tough to find seats for me and three of my buddies. We got lucky though. A married couple had it a huge table to themselves, and invited us to share with them. Very nice of them. For being so kind to us, one of my buddies bought them (and us) a shot. Toast to a good night!

So we getting to talking about a bunch of random shit, then the conversation turns to a boxing match between Floyd Mayweather and Marcos Maidana going down the next day. We talked about how good Mayweather is (he has a record of 45-0 prior to the fight, and has beaten many of the best boxers of this generation in his respective division), and how this fight should be a cakewalk (which it was not, but that is a topic for another time). But for some reason, the conversation switched over to his domestic violence case some years ago.

If you are not familiar with this case, Floyd Mayweather was sentenced to 90 days in jail for battery upon his ex-girlfriend at the time (her name was Josie Harris) in December 2011. Mayweather had had a previous run in with the law pertaining to domestic violence against the same woman, so he had to serve the full 90 days in jail, community service, and probation.

While we were on the subject, the guy (Hector was his name) started to defend Mayweather for his actions. His argument was “hey, sometimes a womam pisses a man off and he needs to take care of it.”

Hector’s wife was sitting there with him while he said this, so it seemed as though she has heard what he believes about “taking care of it,” and she has no problem with it. In fact, she even laughed!

Me and my buddies really did not know what to say at this point. Arguing with him is one thing, but to have his wife there and even her support on this subject, we just kept to ourselves afterwards. If that can was gonna get opened up that night, it definitely was not gonna be us opening it.

I have to confess. I have struck a girl before. I was in the 2nd grade, some girl in my class made me angry about something (can’t remember what it was), and I slapped her. Hard. It was after school and my mom was picking me up that afternoon, and saw what I did. I’ll never forget. My mom slapped the shit outta me, grabbed me by the face and said “if I ever see you put your hands on a girl again, I’ll kill you.” Of course I never did it again. But it took me a while to fully understand why my mom did what she did. I was no older than 7 or 8. I did not understand that violence against women was a very big issue. That men are physically much stronger than women. And I did not understand that there are women out their that live in fear of a man’s rage that could result in physical harm.

Domestic violence, and rape, are the two biggest concerns to women in present day America. Some of the stats are staggering. I know we’ve come a long way from old age America, but to try and ignore this problem in our backyard is a mistake. We have a professional who decided it was ok to strike his girlfriend. A professional boxer! Someone who makes a living (and a pretty good one) off of pounding other guys faces in. And this carries over into the home. Imaging his sons and daughters witnessing this behavior…

Hector’s final words to us as he and his wife left to pick up the kid’s from the movies “don’t let these females run over you. Let em’ know who’s boss,” while imitating a slap to the face.

Thanks for the table, sir.

77%

It would seem as though equal pay for equal work would come without question right?

The Equal Pay Act of 1963, passed by John F. Kennedy, granted women the ability to legally attain the same wages as their male counterparts. I added the word legally in that last sentence because it seems as though if this were not written in stone, so to speak, this would still be an issue. I say this because, even in today’s America, there is still a gap in wages between men and women. The numbers state that women get paid 77% of the dollar that men make. So, for every dollar a male makes, a female would make 77 cent.

Some of this is attributed to the fact that women pursue majors and careers. But how can one explain that when both men and women graduate from the same college, that men and women graduate with the same major, and men and women pursue the same job, you know, when the cards in both hands are the same, women are still paid 7% less than men.

One issue with women being underpaid is that people find it unacceptable to talk about how much they make. This contributes to the problem because when both men and women do not discus how much they make, it would make it difficult to know that women are being underpaid. Hell, with this information, one could argue that even some men are being underpaid.

Some research has been done to show that some employers are prone to pay women less because they assume women don’t need as much money as men, because the men are the primary providers economically for the household. Can I just say: What. The. F$#%! So it is perfectly ok to pay a women less money because their other half (this is assuming they have a another half) has a job? Who does not need extra money? And what husband (or boyfriend) would be ok with this type of logic?

There is a “maternity leave” theory out there as well. It basically states that women are more likely to leave a job, or attain a less demanding job, to be better prepare for the demands of motherhood. This “explains” why men tend to be CEOs and other prestigious jobs: the fear is that because women may eventually have children, they would lose a valuable member of their team. In a 2007 study at Cornell University, researches sent a bunch of fake resumes for real jobs listed in a local newspaper. Men and women with children were represented in this study, along with single and child free men and women. All had similar experience and credentials, but men with children were viewed as more valuable. They (men with children) were viewed as more responsible than the rest, followed by single men and women, with women with children being the least valuable of the bunch. This is crazy to me. There are a lot of single moms in America, who not only act as the caregiver, but have to be the breadwinner as well. In my opinion, this makes them more than likely to work hard. Losing that job means losing a way to provide for their own.

Women have come long way from the early 1900s, where is was assumed that a women’s only “workplace” was within or around the home. But I’m sure you can talk to women who preform, or are involved, in these studies of inequality within the workplace, and they’ll tell you that we, as a nation, can do better.

Got (Breast) Milk?

I am a male. I will never get to experience the (depending on who you talk to) joys of breastfeeding my infant child. That’s assuming I have children of my own one day, which I do.

Actually, never is a very strong word. It has been known for many years that men possess the same hormones, oxytocin and prolactin to be exact, to stimulate and produce milk. Hell, its even been suggested that long ago, men even helped in the duties of breastfeeding, hence the reason men have nipples to begin with. Combine this knowledge with the things we can achieve with technology, there is no telling what the future may hold for males in the breastfeeding department! We, as men, could one day share this domestic duty (or share again) with female counterparts. Exciting stuff, I know.

Breastfeeding has been the primary means for nurturing infants for as long as we’ve been around. I do not believe it is necessary to explain the health benefits of breast milk to infants. It is produced by the body, therefore making it perfectly natural. Health and psychological benefits for the mother breastfeeding is a more recent development. It has been studied that breastfeeding helps new mothers bond with their infant child. The skin to skin contact with the baby causes the release of more oxytocin in the mothers body, helping the flow of milk while also calming her. It has also been noted that new mothers miss less time from work because breast milk has been shown to reduce the rise of infants getting sick. Of course, that totally depends on more much she likes her job… Oh, and you can also save some dollas breastfeeding. Who does not wanna save money. With that money saved, products like this can be purchased. We men want to fulfill our domestic duties too, you know (we have breastfeeding envy). This is the world we live in folks.

Another interesting study to the benefits of breastfeeding is the effects on the environment. It saves energy, as in no heating required. Milk produced by the body is warm enough to consume immediately. It reduces waste; you do not have to go out and buy bottles and formula, which in turn, saves you having to make a trip to your local store, saving gas. We all know how much gas prices are now a days.

There are some mothers, however, that can not breastfeed, either through physical deformities (breast cancer) or plastic surgery (breast implants). Also, some infants just can not digest breast milk. And some women just plain do not want to breastfeed. All valid reasons for using baby formula.

What is worth observing to me is that we, as a nation, had to place laws into place to make it “ok” to breastfeed in public. We are talking about an act that has been necessary for the survival of our species being frowned upon. Women are being told around the country that breastfeeding is not permitted in a certain establishment. Really?! I can turn on the television at this very moment and probably see a pair of breast, hell probably even more than that. Are we as a nation have associated breast with sex, which is a mistake. While breast can be stimulated sexually, their main purpose is to provide food to infants.

The law “protects” women who breastfeed in public. But, are we really that disgusted (or maybe even turned on) by this that we have to make it a point to protect them in the first place? Is it really necessary to make a “tips for discreet public breastfeeding” and “advantages of breastfeeding in public” web page for mothers? I guess so.

The Changing Domestic Sphere in America

The separate sphere concept is the idea that men and women are separated in the duties they are suppose to preform. It was once proposed that this separating of roles of men and women was “natural” (crazy!). This started to change with the emergence of the Industrial Revolution in the early 18th century. As the Industrial Revolution progressed, the roles of men and women began to separate. Men belonged in the “public” sphere, consisting of duties such as politics and economics. Women, on the other hand, were placed in the “domestic” sphere (or private sphere). They were tasked with taking care of the family, and house duties.

The whole idea of separate spheres was counter-productive in the early years of this country. Men and women (and even the children) shared household duties. Most of the work was done in or around the house. But, with factories opening and needing workers, men decided to go and working in these factories for a wage. Women were relegated to the confines of that home life. And because women essentially had no rights (they were the “property” of men), they had no say in the matter of what sphere they belonged to. To step outside of the sphere would be seen as “unnatural” and frowned upon by society, women included.

Now, it does not seem as though women were fighting just to be taking out of this domestic sphere they were held prison in. Rather, they fought for women’s rights across the board, including (but not limited to) political rights (voting in particular), economical rights (right to own property), and medical rights (abortion). Getting out of the house and making a living for themselves, and family as well, was part of the package.

It’s amazing to me that they’re still individuals (and certain groups) that believe a women’s place in this world is the kitchen, but they still exist. We all know there are biological differences between men and women (such as men having larger muscle fibers because our there heavier bones), this in no way makes women inferior to men. We live in the age of information overload! If there is a scientific explanation that demonstrates how men are above our fable female counterparts, I would LOVE to examine it.

Now-a-days, men and women seem to share an equal responsibility for not only things being taking care of in the household, as well as the opportunity to provide for the family in a work setting, although work still needs to be done as far as equal wages and sexual harassment goes. We are even ok with the idea of a “house husband,” where the man is the individual taking the domestic duties. Even 20-225 years ago, this idea was practically unheard of!

Growing up (being raised mostly by women), it was never taught to me that men and women had different roles to keep up the balance of how things worked in America. My father was not around, so my mother played both in my life. She worked, paid the bills, put food on the table, cleaned the house. The whole nine yards. I had my chores as well. But, they were never gender specific chores (if there is such a thing). I did whatever was required of me. And even if I did have prior knowledge of the “domestic” sphere, and tried to tell my mom “ummm, washing the dishes are for you to take care of,” she would have kicked my ass. Same with my grandma, great grandma, aunties, and sisters.

I was even making them sandwiches………

Testing…

Seeing if I can get this hyperlink to work…